I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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