Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Vodka?
Forever.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
