i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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