there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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