Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
