my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Randomize
