He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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