My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
