First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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