Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
