come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Sorry about my life...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
