dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
