Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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