her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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