Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The air taste purple.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
