My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize