The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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