do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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