Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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