i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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