Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
