over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize