that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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