Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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