I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
