i just had sex bonerless
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
