he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
