I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
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I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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