You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
