This is not my ceiling
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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