im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
