he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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