i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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