I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
