People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
