Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She bit a glass in half.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
