I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
