Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize