My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
