we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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