I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
