i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
