I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
