Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I wear drunk well.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize