There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I want to fling myself into the sun
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