I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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