Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize