he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
