the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
