I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
BRING THE BAGELS
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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