OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
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sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
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When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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