We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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