I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize