My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
