I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
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