your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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