Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
