The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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