Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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