can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
